When
first I met my now estranged wife during our Master’s year at
university, I was seeing someone else too. In the main, this defines
me as a “bastard”, although I preferred to think of myself as a
“player”. Indeed I would argue that it falls under the guise of
“sowing wild oats”. That’s the phrase that makes the practice
somehow acceptable, and mothers the world over tell their sons that
this is what they need to do before they settle down. The rite of
passage into manhood as it were. At least, it’s what my mother told
me. Women may argue this point - sorry, women will argue this
point - but then they become mothers.
Naturally,
they just don’t want those “wild oats” sown with their own
daughters.
However,
it is a fallacy to think that we men are completely heartless. I
realised that I actually liked the girl that I eventually married so
quickly ended all contact with the third party. In actual fact, she
was a girl that I had been seeing first but only by a matter of a few
weeks. I got the usual tirade of “bastard” texts, emails, and
drunken voicemails. “I thought you were different” being the
obligatory phrase that she just had to use during every one of these
“opportunities”. In one particular instance, during which she
also branded me a “coward”, I foolishly responded. I explained to
her that I was merely being cruel to be kind as it was blatantly
obvious to me that there we had no future together. Furthermore,
after everything that had been said and done – more on her part now
than mine - she would surely realise and accept that there was no
going back as any trust and respect that had been built was now
completely shattered.
I
got the following reply:
“See,
I knew you were different. That was lovely, you thinking of me and my
feelings and us and our future. Why can’t we make this work? We
can, you just have to trust yourself to trust me. Call me.”
It
took another six weeks of ignoring and blocking her before she
finally gave up. We had only been dating, if it could ever have been
called that, for three weeks.
It
takes true courage and bravery to finish any relationship. As my
marital separation was only a week old, I understood that there may
be some element of hope that we could fix it and move on. Yet I knew
there was no way I could, or would, allow myself to stoop to such a
level of indignity. My sense of pride has taken a pounding and is
undoubtedly battered and bruised, but it is still there, standing
tall and intact, however weakly. It is also getting stronger with
every passing day.
All
thanks to “Hope”.
“Hope”
is a very strange feeling that displaces others such as “confidence”,
“faith”, and “trust” and one that I have naturally gravitated
towards my entire life. We are old friends, hope and I. Never have I
dared to have “confidence” in my academic or sporting abilities,
rather I always “hoped” that I would perform at my best as
necessitated in any particular circumstance. When things had gone
better than I had even dared “hope”, then I defaulted to the
notion that is was merely my “good luck”, and vice versa. “Luck”
has always provided me an excuse for all of life’s highs and lows
and everything in between. Now I wanted to change all that. Now I
wanted to control my existence.
Now
I wanted to stir the stagnant pool that is my life proactively to
feel like I am living again.
So
that may well explain why I am now sat in only my boxer shorts in
front of my computer, as the rain batters the window behind my
curtains, and trying to focus on completing an online dating profile
that includes a “personal statement” section. Apparently, its
purpose is to allow me to describe myself in as broadly generic terms
as possible in order to seem “normal” and “average” - and so
maximising my appeal - whilst also trying to ensure that I am unique
enough as to stand out. The logic of the concept is irrefutable and
yet fantastically ridiculous.
It
is also proving so challenging to the point of being quite
impossible.
As
a truck driver, I work most weekends and so this job commitment
removes the more conventional ways of meeting women. Using a dating
site makes far more sense in this new age of technology as it allows
for an immediate connection without the need to wait for the weekend,
or the demand of a decent chat up line. It cuts to the chase, so to
speak. The site has posted a statistic that states over 28% of
couples now “meet” online, so I am still happily in the minority.
However, it is utterly galling to me that I should ever try to be
“normal” or “average” to anyone as I have never considered
myself as such.
It
seems to me to be morally fraudulent.
Online
dating. It really is quite an absurd concept yet totally in concert
with the modern era where people are too busy with work and life to
take the time and make the effort for actually dating. Yet where is
the romance of it? You will never hear a love song that refers to
such sites. Can you imagine Rod Stewart singing “The Algorithm of
my Heart”, or some such like?
No?
Me neither.
Sometimes you need to hear it from the guy's point of view to really understand the male version of a breakup! In the fictional book Greater Expectations by the author Alexander McCabe, you really do feel like you are getting the best of the male point of view. This book opens your eyes to some of the problems and outright heart ache that men go through after a long term relationship and break up. I know it may be hard for some to follow along simply because us women are well, kind of spoiled, by always reading a woman's perspective. It does matter, especially during a break up episode.
McCabe at times throughout this book is brutally honest, especially when the main character states that men often times will let a relationship go, because they were too involved in their ego to allow themselves to apologize. Wow, I so needed to read that part! This is almost like a self help book, yet it is fiction and provides a woman with so many clues to solving life long puzzles with men that they may have loved over the years. I truly enjoyed this book and feel that McCabe did an awesome job on helping out the ladies with this book! Not to mention sharing a little insight for the guys too.
I rate this book 4 stars and recommend for all those dealing with an unwanted breakup, well, especially you gals that are needing the male insight!
Sometimes you need to hear it from the guy's point of view to really understand the male version of a breakup! In the fictional book Greater Expectations by the author Alexander McCabe, you really do feel like you are getting the best of the male point of view. This book opens your eyes to some of the problems and outright heart ache that men go through after a long term relationship and break up. I know it may be hard for some to follow along simply because us women are well, kind of spoiled, by always reading a woman's perspective. It does matter, especially during a break up episode.
McCabe at times throughout this book is brutally honest, especially when the main character states that men often times will let a relationship go, because they were too involved in their ego to allow themselves to apologize. Wow, I so needed to read that part! This is almost like a self help book, yet it is fiction and provides a woman with so many clues to solving life long puzzles with men that they may have loved over the years. I truly enjoyed this book and feel that McCabe did an awesome job on helping out the ladies with this book! Not to mention sharing a little insight for the guys too.
I rate this book 4 stars and recommend for all those dealing with an unwanted breakup, well, especially you gals that are needing the male insight!
After
graduating with a couple of useless degrees in law, Alexander McCabe
left his Scottish homeland and wandered nomadically around the globe
to experience the rich diversity of culture that the world has to
offer. For the moment, it is Toronto's turn to provide a suitable
abode for him and the wife that he picked up along the way...
It is said that the course of true love never runs smooth - even for us men. Yet it has never been easier to find love than in this modern digital era where the mighty computer has all but rendered Cupid redundant. Love is now to be found, quite literally, at your fingertips. Although love also seems to have changed with the times. This new love is deceitful and manipulative, cunning and untrustworthy. Love has gotten ugly. Thankfully, not all the answers to life’s mysteries are to be found in the computer and Cupid - battered and bruised as he may be - proves that he still has some game and a few tricks up his sleeve…
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